Tactical Ensamble Ajacent: Metal Gear Jell-O
by Derek Skinner
Summary: Just read and review..Thanks...It's not even CLOSE to the game.


Tactical Ensamble Ajacent  
Metal Gear Jell-O  
  
  
  
The silence was broken by the screeching voice of the little paperboy...  
  
"Extra! Extra! Read--" he was cut off by Snake.  
  
"I'm trying to friggin' sleep up here, damn it! I was up all friggin night with VR Trainking, and I got a hangover! Just..SHUT UP!"  
  
The paperboy instantly ran off, scattering a package of newspapers all over the street. A breeze caught the front page of one of the papers, and brought it up to Snake, just to smack him in the face.  
  
"What the he--" Snake growled. "Aw, jeez..Leaks Snake is at it again, the loser! Can't he come up with something else?! I mean, holding Mei Ling hostage for 20 copies of the book Moby Dick, and asking that he recieves 15 dollars for an extra large cheese pizza plus tip, or he'll drop hot dog wieners on the White House? This guy's got balls the size of dimes to do this kind of thing..."  
  
Snake's CODEC rang, and he answered.  
  
Snake: This is Snake. How may I help you?  
  
  
It was the Private. Private Campbell.  
  
  
Campbell: Yeah. I'd like a #2 with Dr. Pepper-- SNAKE! DAMN YOU!  
  
Snake: Sorry. I thought I was at work...  
  
Campbell: You don't work at McDonalds, althought your brain would fit in perfectlyl  
  
Snake: True, true. So what's this thing about Leaks?  
  
Campbell: Dunno. But it's kinda dumb.  
  
Snake: I bet he's serious, though. Last time, when he kidnapped his pet hamster, and demanded $100 billion for it's release. What a dork.  
  
Campbell: Tell me about it. I used to model.  
  
Snake:...That's gross. So, uh, lemme speak to Naomi.  
  
Campbell: She's busy.  
  
Snake: Don't tell me...She's choking the chicken.  
  
Campbell: Nope. She's in the bathroom messing with Tampax..er..toilet paper.  
  
Snake: Just figures. All the hot chicks need Tampax.  
  
Campbell: Too bad we're not girls, huh?  
  
Snake: I'm glad. You see, there's more to being a man then having a pecker.  
  
Campbell: Snake! How dare you speak to me in that tone?! You don't teach me! I teach you!  
  
Snake: You're not my father, old man!  
  
Campbell: Be happy of that, because if I was, I would spank you like a redheaded step-child!  
  
Snake: I'm not into the rough stuff. So, bach to the subject of Leak's threats.  
  
Campbell: Yeah.  
  
Snake: How we gonna go about handling this?  
  
Campbell: Um. Well, we'll send you in undercover as one of Leak's top men. His name is Harold Anderson.  
  
Snake: I look like a harold?!  
  
Campbell: Doesn't matter. You're going. Come here in twenty minutes.  
  
Snake: Why don't we just give him the 20 copies of Moby Dick, and the 15 bucks plus tip?  
  
Campbell: It's our policy not to negotiate with terrorists, no matter what the demands.  
  
Snake: Who came up with that crappy one?  
  
Campbell: You did.  
  
Snake: I did?..Oh, yeah! I was just calling the mirror crappy.  
  
Campbell: I'm sure. Be here in twenty minutes.  
  
Snake: Give me an hour. I gotta take a crap, and you might have to call the freakin' bomb squad.  
  
Campbell: Fightes. Our best agent has to take a dump in the middle of a major crisis.  
  
Snake hung up and took his crap. 45 minutes later, he was at the office...still in his boxers and T-shirt.  
  
"Snake, get some freakin' clothes on." Campbell said.  
  
"These clothes are comfortable to me. Why? You jealous that I look better in my fudgies?"  
  
"Snake. Shut up."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Naomi came from another room..Her eyes instantly caught onto Snake..."Snake...You look..."  
  
"Yeah, I know--"  
  
"Ridiculous.."  
  
"That's what I mean. I know that."  
  
" Snake. Get dressed. The locker's over there." Naomi pointed at a door marked "Men's Locker Room"...Snake headed towards the locker room, when he turned to the right, going towards the Women's locker room. He stepped inside, taking a quick peek around, making sure no one was there, then he stepped over to a locker without a lock. He opened it, only to find that it had a bra, panties, a white button-up shirt, and a black skirt. He quickly slipped everything on, and ran out to Naomi and Campbell.  
  
"Nice outfit, Snake." Naomi laughed.  
  
"Really turns me on." Campbell said sarcasticly.  
  
"Thanks." Snake said in a high-pitched voice.  
  
" Snake..Put on your damn clothes!" Naomi screamed, and he did...  
  
  
Later that day, they recieved a CODEC call from Leaks.  
  
  
Leaks: Campbell, Naomi, Snake...How've you all been?  
  
Leaks put Mei Ling in the video camera's aim. She was tied up, gagged, and unconcious.  
  
Leaks: If I do not recieve the 15 dollars plus tip and the 20 copies of Moby Dick, your little girl here will be history.  
  
Snake: She can't be history unless you kill her now, and wait 199 years and 364 days to tell us your demands, dumbass.  
  
Campbell: Snake, lets not give him ideas here.  
  
Snake: Leaks, it was pretty smart of you to use CODEC to call us, because you can't be traced.  
  
Leaks: Well...that, and the fact that long-distance phone rates from here are a pain in the ass, as you should know.  
  
Snake: Yeah.  
  
Leaks: Well, you have exactly 3 days to give me the demands. Remember...Mei Ling and the White House are at stake here.  
  
Campbell: Where do we send you the stuff?  
  
Leaks: To the Alcatraz prison.  
  
Campbell: I don't think they accept mail there anymore.  
  
Leaks: You're right. Just tell the mailman to bring it inside and ignore the unusually large load of Oscar Meyer hot dogs and the unconcious girl in a chair near the front door.  
  
Campbell, along with Snake: Okay.  
  
Leaks: Thanks..*Hangs up*  
  
"Snake...We gotta rescue Mei Ling at all costs..." Campbell said slowly....  
  
"I know...She was the best lover I've ever met.."  
  
"Snake, you have to put that behind you now...Her LIFE is at stake." Naomi said.  
  
"Okay..Meet me in the Armory. I'm going to get my weapons..."  
  
Snake slowly stepped towards the Armory, and inputted his code on the door handle....The door popped open and Snake stepped inside slowly..only to find a horde of rats chowing down on a notebook with chocolate on it..Snake merely laughed, and stepped over to the SOCOM rack..He grabbed two, holstering them...then over to the FAMAS rack....he took one...then over to the stinger rack..he took one...He finished at that point, and stepped over to the ammo shelf, picking out the right amount of ammo for each firearm..He stepped to the side--Hold on a minute..Where the hell is Naomi and Campbell?..Aw, the hell with them. I gotta save my love. He stepped towards the transporter--Wait..They don't have those..So he stepped over to the garage, and caught the sight of his favorite...the '68 green Mustang...He quickly ran over to it, the ground sensors making the door open..Snake hopped inside, started it, and drove off...  
  
About 25 hours later, he was driving down the streets of San Francisco, eyeing the Alcatraz building at a distance..Where's the boat depot that takes you over there? He wondered.....He finally found it, and drove up there..He got out and ran over to an old boat, throwing his supplies down in it..He jumped in, and rowed towards Alcatraz..As he reached the docks there, he drug the boat up onto the beach, and grabbed the supplies, them weighting him down, making him slower. He walked up to the front doors, and peeked through a hole in the door, seeing Mei Ling...His hand trailed to the doorknob and--  
  
"Hi, sir! I'm from FedEx! I have a package for you!" the man said with a cheerful face.  
  
"Leave it on the doorstep, and get the hell out of here." Snake growled.  
  
"Alright, buddy. But what about my money?"  
  
"What money!?"  
  
"Ace said you had some dough for me."  
  
"Is that a fact. How much do I owe ya?" Snake said as his right hand trailed down to his holstered SOCOM.  
  
"Ace said 10%"  
  
"Too bad Ace ain't in charge no more...I'll tell you what..I'll give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good kiester off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!"  
  
Alright, buddy, I'm sorry. I'm goin'!"  
  
"One, two, TEN!" Snake began firing wildly at the FedEx man, the rounds slamming painfully, and very graphicly, into the man's body. The man fell to the ground, and Snake was still firing..Pretty soon, Snake's clip ran empty, and he stopped. "Keep the change, you filthy animal."  
  
Snake grabbed hold of the door handle with a firm grasp, and yanked it open..He turned around the corner, aiming down the long, dark hall, reloading his SOCOM with a fresh clip...He saw a shadow go by, and he ran inside, still aiming at where the figure that was making the shadow would be...  
  
"Freeze you motherf--" Just then, the SOCOM was sliced into 3 pieces. Snake jumped back, getting into a fighting position..and then Snake's head jerked to the side from an invisible blow. There was a flash of electricity, and then the figure was revealed...It was Leaks.  
  
"Snake..I've been looking forward to this moment when we actually went face-to-face." Leaks grinned, and grabbed Snake by the shirt, pulling him. Then, Leaks delivered a blow to Snake's stomach, causing Snake to bend over..Then, an uppercut followed up, hurling Snake towards a wall. Snake slammed into the wall, it denting in the middle where Snake's ass hit...He fell to his knees, blood beginning to run from his mouth. "I guess you're gonna watch that bitch die, and the White House go to pieces..."...Leaks grabbed Snake, and tied him down to a numerous amount of pipes on a wall, then stepped over to Mei Ling, grabbing the hair of the unconcious girl, placing a knife to her neck. "You ready, girl?" He shook her head in a 'yes' manner--Campbell, along with a team of elite soldiers rushed in..One of the soldiers fired a single round from an MP5 on Semi-Automatic at Leak's forehead...The round slammed into his head, sending a rush of crimson out the backside of Leak's head...Leak's limp body fell to the ground, and hit a switch...An alarm sounded...The load of Oscar Meyer wieners were sent flying through the air...and later that day, the White House was hit by them...Many of the people inside sustained minor injuries, due to the concrete of the building, which Leaks never thought of...He thought it was made of Jell-O...Snake and Mei Ling, along with the others, returned home....Snake and Mei Ling, however...were found in a hotel room...Not dead..but making passionate love...  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


End file.
